


Not Going to Leave You

by Imtoopickywithusernames



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, Suicide Attempt, suicidal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 01:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1409338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imtoopickywithusernames/pseuds/Imtoopickywithusernames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There isn't actually a death, but there is an attempt...so...yeah<br/>Phil goes shopping, leaving a depressed and suicidal Dan. Alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Going to Leave You

It had been too long since he had last replied. I was scared. I had only just convinced him that I did need him around. That he was necessary, and that people would miss him if he was gone. I shouldn’t have left the house. I shouldn’t have left him on his own. I was stupid to have thought I could go to the shops. Stupid stupid stupid! My heart raced. Surely if he was going to do it he would at least tell me something beforehand, not just leave me with nothing. Right? I couldn’t be sure though. I could never be sure. Not at the moment. Not anymore. I did the only thing my brain could function enough to do: I ran. I dropped all the shopping, my backpack, everything but for my phone and my wallet and I sprinted. Not bothering to catch the bus that was already waiting at the stop. It takes 10 minutes to get from here to our apartment by bus and 10 minutes is too long. I had to be there now. I held my phone in my hand, hoping and praying for Dan to text me he had just gotten distracted with a TV show or something like that. Please please please. I could hear people shouting behind me that I had left my stuff, but I didn’t have the time to care. Dan was in danger and I needed to help him no matter what. I checked my phone again, not stopping running. Nothing. Dan had not said anything. I unlocked it and dialled his number. Ring…ring…ring…ring…ring…the number you have called is not available at this time – I growled in frustration and hung up. I called PJ instead. It only rang twice before he picked up; his voice seeming far too cheery for what was happening, even if he didn’t actually know what was happening. “Hey Phil, what’s up?”  
“It’s Dan.” I panted, ignoring the stitch that was forming in my side. I could almost hear PJ’s face drop.  
“What about him? Is he okay?”  
“I don’t know!” I almost sobbed in frustration, “He hasn’t replied to me for at least half an hour now. I shouldn’t have left him alone. I’m such a pathetic idiot!” I wanted to sit down and cry but now was not the time. I was almost back home. Just a little more and I would be there. “Phil, none of this is your fault. Where are you now?”  
“Just outside town, on my way home.”  
“Okay, keep going. I’ll meet you there in 10.”  
“Thanks Peej.” I hung up and ran harder. Faster. Sprinting faster than I ever had in my entire life. Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay. If he was gone, I would have nothing left. Yeah I had PJ, and Chris and my other friends, but none of them could even come close to comparing to Dan. He was my best friend. Almost like my little brother. He was family to me. I just can’t lose him. Not like this. I saw the door to the apartment and almost slammed into it. I jammed the open button, punching in the passcode, and then completely bypased the lifts, and headed straight for the stairs. Probably a stupid idea long term, but I didn’t have time to stand around waiting for the damn hunk of metal to slowly make it’s way down and then back up again. The stairs were punishing, and I was pretty sure I would have lost a couple of stone by now at least, given that this was the first real exercise I have done in years. 1 floor. 2 floors. 3 floors. 4 floors. 5 floors. 6 floors. The numbers simply zoomed past my eyes as I ran, soon becoming floor 9, floor 10, floor 12, floor 15. Our floor. The door seemed to swing open much easier than usual. Our door was at the end, but it came closer and closer with rather alarming speed. I crashed it open. “DAN!” I yelled, almost screaming. “DAN! ANSWER ME DAMN IT!” I searched every room on the first floor and there was no sign of him, other than his phone left on the table in the living room. “Dan! Please be okay. Please answer me.” I was almost in tears now. If he was here, really here, he would surely have answered me by now. I was starting to give up hope of finding him in the state I would prefer him to be in, but I then heard a faint sob from the bathroom and my heart dropped. The bathroom. “DAN!” I slammed open the door, thanking the god I did not believe in that it wasn’t locked. “Phil.” Dan almost whispered when I walked in. I may as well have become a zombie at that point because what I saw rendered me unable to walk properly, close my mouth, or even blink. He was lying in a heap on the floor. Obviously not dead, but not really alive either. His face was as white as the tiles used to be, as the colour in his face and the colour of the tiles seemed to have switched places. Blood surrounded him, drenching his hair, his skin, his clothes, the floor, everywhere. Some of the outer pools of blood had dried to that muddy brown colour blood turns when it gets old. Meaning he had been in here a while. Half an hour at least. “I’m sorry Phil.” He muttered, tears mingling with the blood. He was obviously in pain, blood still dribbling from the countless slices in his arms. I heard the door slam open from downstairs. “UP HERE!” I shouted, and Dan winced. “Sorry Dan. We’re going to get you all better okay? We’re going to heal you up.” I stroked his blood matted hair as PJ entered the room. “Go get water, wash cloths and bandages.” I ordered. Before we could help the pain we had to stop the blood. “No, Phil-” He wheezed  
“I am NOT losing you Dan. Do you hear me? I. Am. Not. Losing. You. Not now, not ever.”  
“But I-”  
“No.” I cut him off sharply. PJ re-entered with things we needed. I signalled for him to help me sit Dan up. It took a bit of effort, but we managed it. PJ soothed him while I washed the cuts. They were deep. Too deep. And they stretched all up both of his arms. I was honestly surprised he wasn’t dead yet. The cleaning was obviously painful to Dan, tears still leaking out of his eyes. It didn’t take long though. It was just temporary. We could take him to the hospital for a proper clean and bandage later. The bandages were wrapped tightly so no more blood could seep through. Dan stared at me once I had finished. “I wanted to end it Phil. I wanted it all to go away so badly.”  
“You’ll be okay Dan. You’ll be okay.” Unable to tell whether I was calming him or myself, I leaned my head onto his shoulder and he returned the gesture. We simply stayed there. Cleaning could wait, and PJ seemed just fine breathing relieved breaths, head rested on the wall behind him. He would be okay. I would make sure of that. 


End file.
